SLAP, MAY 97

"THE MIGHTY MIGHTY BOSSTONES!" by Jake Smelts

They're from Boston, they wear plaid, and they play a strange mix of ska, punk, and chaos. The Bosstones are back with a new album and SLAP thought it would be fun to ambush them with one of their old pals, Jake Smelts. Despite what you read below, there's mad love between all of the Bosstones and Jake. Mad love.

Do you guys have a new record out?
Joe: The album is called "Let's Face It" and it's coming out in March.

What happened to Dicky's voice on that one?
Dicky: It's smoke and mirrors, studio trickery. You're not gonna get that shit live, you know that.

What happened? Did they take you in a room and say, "Hey look…"
D: They said, "Do you want this record contract or do you want to go back to fucking working at the Souper Salad?" Big wigs, you know, I was no match for 'em. Big shots come over from other record companies and come down on my ass, took a bite right out of it. They said, "You get your shit together, buddy, or you're fucking out on your ass."

And then who'd they hire?
D: Diamond. Neil Diamond.

No, what's his name, Jimmy Drescher, right?
D: No, Jimmy's disgusted with me, too.

Oh, you sold out?
D: Oh yeah, all the way down the line.

How long have you guys been around and why?
J: We've been around close to ten years. Why? 'Cause we've got nothing better to do, really.

No, it's good, I've always digged your shows, it's always good positive kids out there, dancing and moshing it up.
D: Yeah, you're always there. You can bust my balls now, but you always show up. You're on the bus trying to get into my cooler.

Yeah, all the Fruitopia you can swiggle. If you were ever going to cover a rap song, what would it be and why?
D: "Fight the Power."

That's not a rap song; that's the Isley Brothers.
D: Oh sorry. Do you want me to take these questions more seriously?

You could take them more seriously, but the kids wanna know.
D: I don't know, maybe something by Redman. He's really popular with the kids these days, isn't he? Anything by Redman, everything he's done is all genius.
J: I would say it would be Sugar Hill Gang, for sure.

Okay, old school, new shcool, or no school, where do the Bosstones fit in?
D: We skipped school, homie.

Where did the name come from, and why?
D: From the city of Boston, and because we're proud of it.

Well, I don't want to sound crazy, Mr. Barrett, but you're from Norwood.
D: Uh, the interview's over. I have to shut this down. I've been living in Bston now for longer than I lived in Norwood.
J: Well actually, Dicky, you live in Cambridge.

Here's another question for you and your friends: Who's better, you or Fishbone?
D: There's no competition, Fishbone. Fishbone kicks fucking ass. They're better than any band live, easily. They're animals. They're professional athletes when they hit the stage.

So they belong in Lollapalooza too?
D: They were on Lollapalooza.

With you guys, second stage?
D: No, we were first stage and so were they.

How'd you guys get on that gig? Did Perry Farrell come up to you and ask you?
D: You know how, Jake, you know the whole thing.

You and Courtney Love snorting blow, what happened?
D: I had to scorch her. You know what I'm saying, wink, wink.

So you guys get around quite a bit. What's it like being on the road crew with nine hella horny dudes?
D: It's awesome. All kidding aside, it's a dream come true. I love it.

Who pulls the most trim?
D: Higs.

Higgins, baby.
D: He gets a lot of ass but usually it's all in one shot. Big ass. But he's getting the most ass, for sure.

Do you ever hire bouncers to fuck kids up?
D: No, we can do that on our own. Why, do you want a job, Jake?

No, I was thinking about the old bouncer days. They got pretty big out there.
D: Not anymore. bouncers didn't know what the fuck they were doing then. They're smarter now. They're trained and shit. But back in the day, remember when we stood tall?

Aw, geez, did we ever.
D: Remember the time Al just fucking drilled that bouncer, and then Ian came in right behind him? Those were the days.

Oh, history. What's the weirdest place you guys have ever played? You guys do a lot of college shows and shit like that, right?
D: Yeah, we do, but not a lot. Maybe two or three a year. The weirdestthing we ever did was New Year's Eve a year ago, and it sucked so bad I almost felt like…

Suicide? Kurt Cobain yourself? What about your brother, how's he doing?
D: He's back on ths coast, where he might be able to breathe easily.

Are you guys going to go on a world tour after this record?
D: No, we tour all the time. The records have nothing to do with it. You know that; it's forthe people, Jake.

So how's Mercury treating you?
D: It has been treating us really good.

You're the only ones they've got, right?
D: I think so, unless you like the Cardigans.

They got the Mighty Lemonheads too, right?
D: No, they're on Atlantic.

That's the sae thing, right?
D: I saw the Lemonheads recently.

Oh, no way.
D: I'm not going to say they were boring, but at one point Evan broke a string and the crowd went wild. I kid the Lemonheads 'cause I love them.

You know them from backstage at Lollapalooza right?
D: Yeah. But there were cobwebs on the drumsticks. I'm just kidding. I know 'em from Cambridge. T'AANG, we shared the label T'AANG.

Oh, that's right, the curse. The curse will fall.
D: "Devil's Night Out," "More Noise and Other Disturbances," and "Shame About Ray." I don't know what Lemonheads album was on T'AANG.
J: "Hate Your Friends."

So you never got money from that?
D: Come on, you know Curtis.

Oh right, right.
D: Didn't you fucking name his label?

Well you know, late night, we did all that together.
D: Yeah, I remember you saying it beforehand. You stopped saying it 'cause that goof was running around saying it al the time. How about Stony Tony?

I haven't seen him for a while. We kind of had a little slit up.
D: I hear he's working hard though. Are his boards any good?

Yeah, he's making boards; the shit's hard. It's hard boards, wood, wood, wood.
D: Could you cut a person's head off with one?

Oh, you could fucking do someone up righteous with one. When are you guys coming out here?
D: I want to come out soon, you made me miss you so fucking much.

Aw, you fucking asshole. I'm going to Australia next week.
D: G'day mate. Throw another shrimp on the barbie. You've been there before, right? You've been down unda.

Gotta have it.
D: Would you spread the word about us there?

Oh, I'll give you guys the serious…
D: Do you like the record at all?

Yeah, I kinda liked a few songs. I thought most of it bites.
D: Fuck you. You are so fucking wrong. The record is good; all our records are great. Our record is fuckng awesome; your magazine sucks.

Well this is the other magazine I'm working on.
D: No, SLAP magazine is good. Thrasher sucks.

Come on, Dicky.
D: I wore a Thrasher fucking hat in my video. Your name is in the lyrics on the "Question the Answers" album. What, do I have to put your name on every fucking album for you to like it? You fucking prick.

Where are you guys going to play when you come here?
D: I don't know where we're going to play, what's good there. Should I go to Bottom of the Hill?

You should do the Bottom of the Hill gig.
D: How about drinking?

I drink, quite a bit. You don't drink no more?
D: I stopped drinking two years ago, just for the fuck of it. It's not any really big story. I just did it to see if I could. You know what happened. Here's a good story. I went to the Strand Theater in Providence, Rhode Island. I know the guys that own it, and every time I went in there, it was Jameson whiskey, and I'd leave hammered. I never knew how I got home. I went in there and Bush and Wax were playing. My friendsare in wax, so I got fucking slammed with those guys, and I'm backstage drinking Bush's beer. Not Busch beer, but the band Bush's beer.

Not the president's beer.
D: Right. and that guy Gavin was around so I told him what I thought of his band and I said, "You suck, and so does your band." He wanted to talk a litte bit about it but that's the only real point I wanted to make, so I kept telling him that. At one point he fucking grabbed me, opened up the back door, and fired me out into the alley. So the next day I said, "Fuck it, maybe this drinking thing isn't good." It wasn't really because I thought I was too drunk. I just thought if this lame English dude can jandle me when I'm drunk, maybe I should… I just want to be a little more on my toes. Next time I see that prick he's gonna feel the wrath.

Ten fingers of death?
D: Ba-boom. and the lights go out, Jake.

And the lights go out. any messages out there to all your fans that skate and wear plaid?
D: Yeah, read SLAP and fucking do not read Thrasher magazine until Jake comes to his senses. I'm just not used to this Jake. You usually worship me. "Let's Face It" isn't out yet; should I remix it?

No, it's great. Actually I think the first three songs are good and it kind of peters off. D: Oh you think we front-loaded?

Yeah, you front-loaded.
D: You gotta listen more. Your attention span is that of a fucking grape. You listen to the first three songs and then hit the halfpipe.